Say Cheese!
by Punzie the Platypus
Summary: The family of five have a high time going to The Paradise Shopping Mall to take their Christmas card picture. Merry Christmas!


_**Soli Deo gloria**_

**DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Despicable Me. I know Christmas was yesterday, but Fanfiction was being all BLARGH and such and wouldn't let me post. Oh well, enjoy this, though!**

"I think we need to get a new car," Gru said gruffly. His huge shoulders were squashed against Lucy's, and he could barely move. And just behind him, squeezed in like a bunch of sardines, were the three girls. All their hair was done up, big poinsettias in their bows, and they were wearing their best dresses, each one gold or green or red.

"Maybe after Christmas," Lucy said patiently. She managed to move her hands to the steering wheel, though with extreme effort. "Uh! Until then we have this car."

"Why can't we take MY car again?" Gru wanted to know.

Lucy started up the car. "Well, because it looks incredibly evil and dark and unnerving. When going to the mall, being inconspicuous is NOT a bad thing!"

"Okay,_ fine_! But I get to choose the color!" Gru said.

"Okay. But, FYI, the girls are going to have a vote on that," Lucy pointed out, not unkindly. It was more of a matter of fact. She nodded behind them, where the three heads popped up.

"Yeah! Let's get it in a really, really dark blue!" Edith said, with mirth.

"Hey, why not a bright yellow?" Margo asked.

Everyone silently cringed.

"I like pink. Can we get a pink car?" Agnes said, sounding absolutely delighted at the idea.

"No, no, no! We are not discussing this right now!" Gru turned to Lucy and said in a whisper, "We're not discussing this right now!"

"I know, I know. Let's just calm down and get to the mall on time," Lucy said cheerfully. She hummed to herself as she took her precious time sticking the car keys into the ignition and turning on the radio to _What Child is This?_ She turned and started up the car, making Gru look vastly relieved as they made their way down the driveway.

"What's up with your face?" Lucy asked, as they went down the road, which was cleared of the snow that covered the rest of the front yards in smooth sheets and large, pillowy lumps.

"What? Nothing's wrong with my face, is there?" Gru said, looking in the mirror and touching his face, turning it this way and that to get a look at every angle.

"What? No, there's absolutely nothing wrong with your face. Your face is perfect. Except for the expression that looks like you're about to scream," Lucy said, very calmly, as they came to a crossroads.

"What? No screaming. This face? See this face?" Lucy could, as they were at a red light. He looked forcefully cheerful. "I'm happy. I'm okay. It's Christmas! Come on!"

"I have a feeling that you are freaking out about this entire Christmas card thing," Lucy said.

"This is kinda weird," Edith said, from the middle of the backseat. Her arms were folded and she looked a little perplexed. "We're going to get our first family portrait without the family."

"We have the family right here!" Gru said, looking into the mirror to see into the back. "We have the sisters, the father, and the lovely mother!"

"Oh, thank you," Lucy said, touching her hand to her heart and smiling before losing the smile and getting a better grip on the steering wheel.

"I meant the cousins," Edith said accusingly. "Like Kevin and Dave. You locked them inside the house."

Gru looked a little slumped. He sighed reluctantly, and realized a very important time had come. The time to reveal one of his many lies to his girls and bear their reaction to his secrecy and deceit. "Edith, they're actually not—"

"They're not actually Gru's cousins," Margo said matter-of-factly.

"They are so!" Edith said.

Agnes was clutching her unicorn toy, and now she squeezed it harder, the entire weight of the truth being laid on her. She gasped but didn't say a word as Margo said, "No, they're not. I figured it out a long time ago and asked Gru—"

"They are too our cousins!" Edith said loudly.

"They are not! They're minions!" Margo said, sitting straighter and holding her mature rank in hand to back up her voice. She sounded dead serious.

Gru sighed into his hand, muttering, as Margo and Edith began to argue in each other's faces, saying one was right and one was not and that one was and not the other and they are not our cousins! They are!

"A little backseat debate them, huh?" Lucy said after a few minutes of lots of fighting.

"Yeah, tell me about it," Gru said, shaking his head.

They were at a red light. Lucy turned in her seat and said, "Girls! Hey!" just loud enough to gain their attention. Needless to say, it was none too late, as Edith had a firm grasp on Margo's hair and nose and Margo was about to tug off Edith's knit hat.

"Edith, Margo is right. They're not our actual cousins. But we treat them like cousins, right?" Lucy said kindly.

"So why aren't they going to be in the family picture?" Edith said bitterly.

"You know how . . . energetic they are," Lucy said. Gru grunted beside her, practically saying she was putting that mildly. She put her hand against her mouth and whispered secretively, "They'd destroy the entire studio!"

"It would catch fire?" Edith said, sounding excited.

"Yeah, probably. And we'd rather not have to pay for damage and losses," Lucy said, smiling a little. "It's all right that they're not in it."

"Yeah, I guess. They can barely sit still long enough anyway," Edith remembered.

"See? Besides, they're probably having the time of their lives at the house," Lucy said.

(Needless to say, at the house the minions were/had watching/watched the car disappear. When it did, they screeched and raised their arms and ran like mad, creating pillow fights and pillow forts and large ice cream sundaes that were not good for them whatsoever.)

The trip to the mall was shortened as Lucy drove crazily, making several lights and causing the rest of her family to cling to their seats. By the time they drew up to the mall, she was calmly putting on the brake and the girls were grasping onto each other for dear life.

"Huh, made good time," Lucy said, checking the clock. She glanced at Gru, who was clutching his seat like a mad man. "Ready?"

"Yeah, I . . . I am ready," Gru said, carefully wrenching his hands from the seat. He was still trembling as they entered the mall and went to check out the map. Lucy had taken the time to put a map of the mall down to memory several months ago for their stakeout, so a quick look would give her all the information she needed to get them to the photo place.

"This mall is really pretty," Agnes said, pointing to Gru all the different Christmas trees and lights all over the place.

"Ah, yes, nothing like commercialism to ruin the holiday," Gru said, as usual, finding the bright side of things.

"Hey, can we go check out the stores?" Edith said, tugging on Gru's shirt.

"No, you may not. We have an appointment, and this guy is apparently 'super' busy and really, really wanted. Blargh," Gru said, sticking out his tongue. "Lucy . . ."

"Come on. I have his place. Let's go," Lucy said, sticking out her hands like a ninja. She then straightened, placed her purse back onto her shoulder, and took Edith's and Agnes's hands as they walked through the mall. Gru and Margo hung behind them, their hands clasped behind their backs. Neither said a word, but the need for conversation was not great between them. They were perfectly content.

"Ah! I found it! High five!" Lucy said once they were in front of the photographer's. She held out her hands and Agnes and Edith slapped them happily before they gripped them and pulled her into the shop.

"'My Perfect Masterpieces?' Really?" Gru said, reading the shop sign. "Wow, the narcissistic properties are strong with this one, huh, Margo?"

"Come on, Gru. Ed is waiting for us," Margo said, waving for him to come join them.

This Ed was instantly one of those guys Gru immensely started to dislike with a great, burning passion. He was probably five feet tall, with tall black hair, spindly legs, a polo and black slacks, and a long, French mustache. He even had a French accent. He kissed Lucy's hand and said, "Welcome, Mademoiselle."

"It's actually 'Madame' now. But you knew that, right?" Lucy said, looking to Gru, who was making a face that would make a child back away in fright.

"Oh. Yes. I did. Of course," Ed said, chuckling. He dropped Lucy's hand, and said, sweeping a hand towards a hall, "Why don't the children go down to the room while we settle up, Mrs . . ."

"Gru. It's Gru. And this is my husband: Gru," Lucy said, waving her hands towards him in a showy manner as the girls ran to the room.

"Your name es 'Gru?'" Ed asked, sounding none-too-impressed.

"Your name es 'Ed?'" Gru asked in the same stupid mocking voice.

"His first name isn't really _Gru_. But believe me when I say he'd kill you or at least put you in a permanent body cast if I told you it," Lucy said cheerfully to Ed. She pulled out a credit card and Ed looked properly disturbed as Lucy and Gru smiled at him. One looked conspiring and the other looked like she could kick his butt if she wanted to.

"This way, sir, ma'am," Ed said sourly, once he handed back the card to Lucy.

"Thank you," Lucy said. She followed Ed with Gru with a pep in her step as they entered the room which contained the girls tackling stuffed animals while having the photographer, a fat little man with grey hair in great puffs around his head with none on top, trying desperately to get them to stop and settle down.

"Reggie!" Ed said.

"Ye—yes, Mr. Ed?" Reggie asked miserably as Agnes whooped and sunk into the hug of a big teddy bear.

"It's time to . . . begin," Ed said darkly.

By begin, it meant that the five were now standing on a large white space with a Christmas-y background behind them. Well, four of them were standing, anyway. Agnes was hiked up on Gru's right shoulder. That was fine and well, though Gru's arm was getting tired as Ed scolded and ordered them around.

"Gru, put your hand on Lucy's shoulder. Margo, move in closer. Edith, get your tongue back in your mouth. Agnes, wait—Agnes!" for Agnes looked like she was about to cry.

Gru and Lucy turned to their daughter and Gru bounced Agnes, saying, "Hey, what's with you?"

"Agnes?" Lucy asked.

"Want es wit' her!?" Ed asked.

Reggie appeared from behind the camera. "What is it you want, little girl?"

"Agnes!" Margo said, sounding worried. She pulled on her foot. "What is it?"

"I left my unicorn in the car," Agnes sniffed.

"Okay, okay, it's okay, calm down," Gru said to her. He then looked around the room and said, "Do you have a stuffed unicorn around here?"

"Ah, no," Ed said, sounding displeased. He tapped his watch. "I don't have time for this!"

Gru's nose pressed against his. His angry voice said, "You better find my daughter a plush unicorn toy, or you will rue the day you first saw my face, because it is the last face you will ever see."

Ed was visibly alarmed.

Lucy exited the site and went to the pile of toys. She searched for a moment, biting her tongue as she felt around, and then she said "AH!" and pulled out a stuffed dragon. She dusted it off and presented it to Agnes. "Hey, I know it's not unicorn-ish or pink, but it's mythical and pretty. What do you say?"

Agnes looked at it for a moment before nodding, her little chin wobbling from tears. Lucy smiled and handed it to her.

"Good, here we go. Reggie!" Ed said. He turned to the Grus and said, "Now, I want everyone to smile BIG and HAPPY!"

"We're going to pretend we're happy?" Edith asked once they were all looking so darn cheerful it hurt their cheeks.

"Yes. Lying through our teeth," Gru said.

"Say 'cheese'!" Ed said.

They then had quite the variety of pictures to choose from. As it was their first Christmas together as a family, they would have quite the time with cocoa in their hands debating at the kitchen table about which one to send out. Many had Gru wincing, Lucy stepping on his foot, Agnes with half-open eyes, Margo looking away from the camera, and then Edith, Edith, Edith. Edith stuck out her tongue and gave Margo bunny ears and made funny faces and peace signs and went into ninja stances. She was very strange and quite hilarious.

Ed viewed the pictures on his computer and gulped. Then he waved goodbye to the family as they walked out, the three girls racing ahead of their parents. In Agnes's hands was her new dragon toy. Gru had drawn out an instrument from the AVL to threaten Ed with, and then paid him a few bills to please Agnes, who had grown quite attached to the toy.

"Boy! That was exhausting!" Gru said.

"It could have been a lot worse," Lucy said reassuringly. They had their arms linked and were quite content until Edith came racing up and said, "Can we go get ice cream?"

"What? Ice cream? Now?" Gru asked.

Margo and Agnes came up and began pleading for ice cream.

"The real question we need to ask ourselves is, Why not?" Lucy said, smiling at Gru.

"You want ice cream too?" Gru asked.

"Yeah, I really, really do," Lucy said, bouncing on her feet.

Gru sighed. But, since he was really a nice guy and had already indulged in her Christmas card idea, he decided to go with it. He nodded and Lucy squeed and kissed his cheek and then dragged him after the girls to the food court.

Gru caught his footing, though, and kept pace, and he even smiled. He really didn't mind, though, hanging out with his girls.

**Good night, all! God bless you!**


End file.
